So, last week, I had to perform the monthly 'fridge purge; why I've yet to learn that I should drink copious amounts of booze before hand is beyond me. This is not a job for folks with acute senses...unfortunately, all of mine are in perfect working order.
Every 'fridge purge is different, every purge is a journey for said senses. To be sure, it is unnatural to for foodstuffs to take on every color of the rainbow, much less natural the spoils of this particular labor to be luminescent and full of vibrant color. Any nature enthusiast would tell that brightly colored things in nature are probably the most dangerous; I posit that many of the enthusiast have never engaged in an office 'fridge purge!
Seriously folks, the office 'fridge is like it's own microcosm of sights, sounds and smells. Okay, it's pretty much all smell. For the most part, the office 'fridge is an unassuming "pull my finger" of angry old food that just can't wait to let you know how it feels to be neglected, forgotten and soon to be discarded. Every rumpled, slightly soiled, brown paper bag is seventh grade science project waiting to be discovered.
Once, I found an old tub of butter. Some sneaky prankster decided to put a cotton ball in it. At least, that's what I thought it was. I was wrong.
It was not a cotton ball.
This time, I discovered what what George HW Bush meant by "a thousand points of light". I found everyone of those suckers at the bottom of a carton of beef fried rice circa 1999. Followed by the kitchen floor rushing towards my face.
Granted, there are always others that have it worse than I do. I'm not complaining so much as I'm trying to impart some words of wisdom, after all it takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes and an even wiser man learns from the mistakes of others. Here's what I've learned.
-If the milk smells sours and pours out in clumps, it's spoiled. Regardless of what it says. Dairy products are notorious liars.
-When guacamole turns brown, it's not necessarily bad. When it turns black, it is. But then it turns white and it's not so bad.
-A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without the tangy taste of Miracle Whip. That's fine. What's not fine? When you can taste the sandwich just by opening the plastic that it's wrapped in. Then, it's not even remotely close to being a sandwich anymore.
-Red and yellow kill a fellow...It's applicable to coral snakes, it's applicable to anything in the 'fridge.
In closing, it's not all bad. Now that I've done enough of these purges, I can now look at stuff like this while eating chocolate pudding.