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U.M.S.

So it's finally here. Flowers are in full bloom, the birds are singing, and DC is a cacophony of crying babies, warn out parents and lost people who can't read a map. That's right, it's tourist season! Welcome tourist! Woo-Hoo!!! Your awesome...

When are you leaving?

Seriously, I've spent the majority of my life here and I've NEVER understood the appeal of this place. I mean, unless you're into history or antiquing, there's not a ton of stuff to do, except look @ other stuff. The museums, the monuments, the exact historical spot where George Washington tripped, fell and accidentally groped a squirrel; it's all here! Yes, it's a cherry blossom, yes they're from Japan, yes they're here for a short amount of time. And they'll be here next year too! If you're into those kind of things, ooooookay! But for the rest of you...

Really?

Yes, yes I know you've never been anywhere outside of your state. Great! But, there are literally hundreds of other places more interesting than the nation's capital. The other 6 continents. The entire country of Canada. The other 49 states. All hell people, the other side of your own damn state! Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, DC needs the revenue, but why, why do have to come here in droves, and why, why, why the Ugly Matching Shirts???

Did someone think, hey I've got an idea, we'll PAY a graphic artist (I don't know what's worse, saving money and spending your own free time creating an ugly t-shirt when you should've paid someone to do it, or paying someone to design an ugly t-shirt) to create an eyesore of a design for our school/church/club and multiply said t-shirt by say, 800! Then, we'll make people pay for the ugly shirts, wear them on our trip to DC and stick together; thus confusing the overworked, over-caffeinated, under-appreciated and burnt out citizens, commuters and employees of DC like a pack of panicked zebras to hungry lions!

There's not enough sleep and caffeine in the world to tell you yappity-yap-yapping zebras apart!

Bastards!


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